I am a freak or something, is that why i have never in my life had a boyfriend?

I know im almost 15 and its getting a bit too late to even be asking this question because the school year is pretty much over or almost over but i just need to know if im ugly, if im stupid, if im a total loser or outcast or smelly? or a freak in anyway for myself to not be in aware or consideratable to date ever? I have autistic ablities which disadvantages myself from one part of not having a boyfriend, few guys i've only talked are because they felt sorry for me and they feel obligated to see how well im doing like doctors do with their patients? or its because they're in the same special thearpy class as me and they feel badly for me being so lonely and uncapable of speaking outgoingly like normal human being would? I just think im too subconciously freakish and maybe i just pretend to be a gay person or something that im clearly not and just say so that people could stop pitying over myself, my feelings are too impatient too rushing, they rush things too quickly and not being able to clear think itself through before deciding whether i should feel the specific emotion or not, i feel like im constantly at war with myself whether its me trying to stop having crushes on guys or its to see if im doing the right thing or not. I think me having a boyfriend would be stupid and idotic because im too young, irresponsible probably most people would assume so at my own age, and im too babyish for others who are olderish than myself, and im not ready ever in my whole entire life for anything inapproperate or such as things like "the birds and bees", i dont think marriage is going to ever be suited enough in my own vocabulary or life i should say, because im too judgemental and i can clearly assume or misunderstand things too quickly, and for that confuses and messes all of my friend guys friendships. I too eagerly fall for my guy friends and not see clearly as them being just like ordinary cousins or brothers first before feeling empathy and sympathy and ect. so please if anyone has anything nice or even something decently nice to say about this mindless question of mine please help urself to answer, but for those who are mean and want harmful comments on people intentionally like me i suggest not to answer because in other likely wise i would just delete ur comment or my answer itself ok, i am not afraid of love, just i embrace and see it as nothing more than admiration and mistake it for a common blinded "infatuation".